Cultural Childcare (LWM post)

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In honor of my mother-in-law's birthday, I wanted to post an article I wrote that was published on the Liberating Working Moms website last week. I love my mother-in-law! Enjoy!

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It’s no secret among my family and friends that I have specific taste in men. I like Hispanics. Always have. I blame part of that on the fact that I grew up watching Major League Baseball, and the other part on mere chance and the fact that everyone is different. So, it’s not surprising that the love of my life and my high school sweetheart is from Puerto Rico. My husband and I spent nearly four years as a dating couple then one year as an engaged couple before we tied the knot. We always planned on starting a family, and knew that because we both worked, my mother-in-law’s house would become the daycare center. I don’t think it was until our son graced us with his presence that we realized how truly different our cultures and upbringings are.

I speak a little Spanish. Enough to pass a couple of years in the high school elective, to order food at a restaurant, and to eavesdrop on my mother-in-law’s conversations with her mother-in-law. But I definitely don’t speak enough to read, write, hold lengthy conversations, or teach my son. I hope to drop a few bucks on the Little Pim series soon. That way, I can immerse my son and myself, as well. My husband speaks fluent Spanish and English. He moved to Florida when he was four years old, so he’s as American as they come. But there are some discrepancies. Every once in a while, I’ll use an old saying my grandmother taught me. “Six of one, half a dozen of the other.” “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.” And he looks at me like I have two heads.

My mother-in-law, who lovingly takes care of our son while we (working mom and working dad) teach every day, also speaks fluent Spanish and English. She lived in Puerto Rico through her 20s, so she definitely less “Americanized” than my husband and still has an accent. She is incredibly intelligent, and speaks English very well, but we all giggle when she calls all storage items—even small Tupperware—“buckets” and when she calls my son’s car seat his “box.

Every day, my mother-in-law lovingly watches my son from about 6:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. During that time, she speaks to my son in Spanish and teaches him Spanish songs. He’s not old enough to respond yet, but I can tell he is learning. And I’m not going to lie—sometimes I love it, and sometimes, I secretly worry that it will make me less of a good mother if my son says his first words in Spanish.

My mother-in-law is a saint. I firmly believe that when she enters the pearly gates, she will be rewarded with the largest mansion Heaven can offer. She has been a stay-at-home wife, mother, and now, grandmother, since she married over 30 years ago. She keeps the cleanest home I’ve ever been in, cooks daily, and decorates shamelessly (I’m pretty sure she has color-coordinated shower curtains, bath mats, and hand towels for every season and holiday

I often wonder why my husband decided to marry a domestically challenged working white girl who makes PB&Js and Velveeta shells and cheese. Either way, I can get a lot of ideas from my husband’s family and culture. Some I like, and some, well, not so much.

One tradition my mother-in-law told me about is Dia de los Reyes, or Three Kings Day. This is a holiday she celebrated throughout her childhood in Puerto Rico. The basis of the holiday surrounds the birth of Jesus Christ. Children are supposed to gather grass for the camels transporting the kings to baby Jesus, put the grass in a shoebox under their beds, and go to sleep. In the morning, the camels have eaten the grass and the kings have left small gifts for the children. I immediately fell in love with this tradition. A way for my son to be in touch with his Puerto Rican heritage and an excuse for me to give him more gifts two weeks after Christmas? A way for me to take the culture my son learns at “daycare” and incorporate into my life as well? Sold. I already bought the little gift to go in the shoebox—let’s hope I can hold out until January 6!

Now, I’m not always the most gracious when it comes to these traditions. I’m not always thrilled that my son is taken care of by family while I work. My in-laws aren’t the annoying types who give advice constantly, but when my father-in-law reminded my husband that in Puerto Rico, it is typical to name your son after your father, my response was, “Well, we’re not doing that.” When my mother-in-law told me one afternoon when I came to pick up my son that many Puerto Rican women believe that putting a balled up piece of yarn on a baby’s forehead helps cure hiccups, I crinkled my nose. But when I think that every day while I work, my son is learning a second language and when I realize that although he has many influences (just like any child of a working mom), he’s going to grow to be his own unique little self, I can’t help but smile.